Previous England leader Lewis Moody has revealed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full consequences of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was involved in the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast 14 days after finding out he has the condition.
"There's something about looking the future in the face and being reluctant to completely absorb that at the moment," he said.
"This doesn't mean I am unaware of where it's going. We grasp that. But there is definitely a hesitation to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking alongside his wife Annie, states instead he feels "peaceful" as he directs his attention to his immediate health, his family and planning ahead for when the disease deteriorates.
"Maybe that's shock or maybe I handle situations uniquely, and when I have the details, it's more manageable," he added.
Initial Signs
Moody learned he had MND after noticing some reduced power in his upper arm while working out in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the condition, a number of scans showed nerves in his brain and spinal cord had been compromised by MND.
"You receive this diagnosis of MND and we're appropriately very moved about it, but it's quite odd because I feel like nothing's wrong," he continued.
"I don't feel unwell. I don't feel sick
"My indications are very minor. I have a bit of muscle loss in the hand and the shoulder region.
"I continue to be capable of performing anything and everything. And with luck that will continue for as long as is attainable."
Condition Progression
MND can advance swiftly.
According to the non-profit MND Association, the disease takes the lives of a 33% of people within a 365 days and over half within 730 days of identification, as swallowing and respiration become increasingly challenging.
Treatment can only slow worsening.
"It's not me that I feel sad for," added an moved Moody.
"There's grief around having to inform my mum - as an single child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Personal Impact
Talking from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by emotion when he discussed breaking the news to his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the heartbreaking news, stating: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two wonderful boys and that was pretty devastating," Moody said.
"We positioned ourselves on the couch in tears, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog leapt across and began cleaning the drops off our faces, which was somewhat funny."
Moody said the emphasis was staying in the present.
"There is no treatment and that is why you have to be very strongly focused on just accepting and savoring all aspects now," he stated.
"As Annie said, we've been truly fortunate that the sole choice I made when I left playing was to spend as much time with the kids as attainable. We won't recover those periods back."
Player Connection
Elite sportspeople are excessively influenced by MND, with investigations suggesting the rate of the disease is up to sixfold greater than in the general population.
It is thought that by restricting the oxygen accessible and producing damage to nerve cells, regular, strenuous exercise can activate the condition in those inherently vulnerable.
Athletic Career
Moody, who earned 71 England appearances and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in recognition of his brave, relentless approach to the game.
He competed through a stress fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a practice scuffle with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he abandoned a tackle pad and began engaging in collisions.
After appearing as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the back of the throw-in in the decisive passage of play, establishing a base for scrum-half Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding field goal.
Assistance Network
Moody has already informed Johnson, who skippered England to that championship, and a few other former players about his medical situation, but the others will be finding out his news with the broader public.
"We'll have a moment when we'll need to rely on their backing but, at the minute, just having that sort of care and recognition that people are present is what's important," he commented.
"Rugby is such a excellent community.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even when it finished now, I've appreciated all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"Being able to call your passion your vocation, it's one of the greatest honors.
"To have done it for so long a time with the groups that I did it with was a pleasure. And I understand they will wish to support in every way they can and I await having those conversations."
